HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
