Im at strip club and am horny
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
