So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
