Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
