i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
