that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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