you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
