I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
