I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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