I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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