Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Randomize
