You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
