Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dignity is for republicans.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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