Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
