i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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