Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
