just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
