Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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