Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize