I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
