This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
