i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
