I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
