Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
