Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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