just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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