dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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