There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
