Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
