I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
