Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
