She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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