it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
