Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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