I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
