It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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