I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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