During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm like, not good at living.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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