Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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