my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My pussy is not your playground.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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