Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
