just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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