Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
