i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
