just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
