ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
