You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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