I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
