i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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