Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
