i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
