I just threw up on my dentist
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
