I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
