At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
