The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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