im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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