yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
