Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
