it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
