You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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