Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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