Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
