I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm too high and old for this...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
