totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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