I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
