I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
