to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
