How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
