We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
