dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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