I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
