question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
