So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
