You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
