omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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