meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
