The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
