I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
