last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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