so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
