I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
