That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
