I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
