at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
