There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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