What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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