Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
