My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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