i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
